Tonight was the American Music Awards. And while I didn’t have much interest in watching, I can’t help but feel really nostalgic about this particular show.
I’ve always been a pop culture lover and a part of that is being a pop music lover. I had 300 pictures of N’sync on my walls in 6th grade, I decorated every locker and dorm room wall with posters and photos of the artists that were so special to me. I spent an entire year blogging at crazy hours of the night just to keep up with the final 1D tour.
But it was last year’s AMAs where I first saw something unlike anything I’d ever seen before. I remember the tweets saying that the show would feature Korea’s most popular boy band so naturally, I was curious. I remember going to dinner with friends that night and mentioning I was planning to watch and they seemed pretty disinterested, whereas I was hiding my excitement to see something new.
I remember being awed by the dancing. I grew up dancing (albeit not very well) and I’ve always just had such a love and respect for dance. Seeing these 7 guys on stage, singing a catchy song in a language so unfamiliar to me, I was so entranced in the performance. So I went on Youtube and watched it again. And again. And again. And then I searched for more.
It’s now almost one year later. BTS and their music were there for me when I was in the hospital due to my heart. They were there for me when I was so ridiculously stressed with work. They were there for me when I went through the fear of learning my mother was diagnosed with a form of cancer. They’ve been there for me through the good and the bad.
And just last week, I was lucky enough to see them perform here in Chicago for two nights. BTS is the 120th artist I’ve seen live and I say with full confidence, that the audience at both shows I attended were the most diverse I have ever seen. Age, race, gender, all of it. It was incredible.
Those two nights were full of the most positive, loving, and joyful energy I’ve ever been a part of. Never in my life have I, as a fan, felt so loved and appreciated by an artist. I couldn’t stop smiling and even though I dreaded the moment when each night ended, the experience of seeing BTS live was indescribable.
People ask me why I love BTS so much, especially as an adult English speaker. My first response is always, always the music. But it’s so much more than that. It’s the individual personalities of these 7 guys. It’s the love they have for each other and the sincere love they have for their fans. It’s their incredible work ethic, passion, and dedication. It’s the way they see the world and reflect that in their lyrics.
It’s the way they make me feel like I’m not alone in my anxiety. It’s the way they remind me how truly important it is to love myself. How I have to speak myself and not be afraid of what others think. It’s the way they remind me that I can be 30 years old and passionate about a boy band and to ignore anyone who has an issue with that.
I’m grateful for last year’s AMAs. I am so fucking grateful that I became a fan of these 7 incredible guys. If anything, this past year has taught me how important is to be open-minded to something that may seem different. How it’s okay to feel lost or alone no matter who you are or where you are in life because there’s someone out there who will understand. I’m grateful for every moment I’ve gotten lost in the music whether it be in my apartment, in my headphones on the train or at the gym, or standing there for 2.5 hours for 2 nights watching it come to life right in front of me.
Thank you, BTS, for showing me I have reasons to love myself. Thank you for being you. Thank you to the BTS ARMY for showing me I’m not alone in my thoughts and in my feelings, and for loving the group the way they deserve to be loved.
I wish nothing but good things for these guys because they deserve it. They’ve worked so incredibly hard and I am beyond proud to be a fan.
I look forward to next year’s AMAs when we have a chance to reflect again….and hopefully finally celebrate (another?) western award show win regarding their incredible music. (Looking at you, Grammys!)
Thank you, Bangtan for a really, really great year. I purple you.
